Tuesday, August 5, 2008 at 11:15am

I started to fear a few things last night. All this planning for Australia and surfing and a new life and I didn’t even stop to consider the most outrageous and irrational (?) fear of all – sharks. That’s right. What if? Snakes too. And spiders. I grew up in PEI for Cripes Sake, the place where pretty much no matter what horrors I saw on T.V., I could turn to Mom and Dad and say, “But that doesn’t happen in PEI, right?” Tornadoes, murders, bombings, whatever, usually it was a darn safe bet it wasn’t gonna get me there. Now I’m off to the land ‘down under’, the land of the unknown, full, chock full, of all kinds poisonous fears. I can’t believe I didn’t factor this in anywhere! I don’t know. I do remember saying to a friend recently that I wanted to go and surf and I didn’t even care if it killed me. You can’t say that kind of thing and not mean it. I meant it. So what’s with the sudden phobias? I’ve come this far, I’m not gonna let a few scary animals stop me – not without giving it my absolute best shot. The irony of the whole shark thing is that the biggest one ever caught was off the coast of PEI, not Aussieland. When it comes to my heart, that’s where my real fears need to be conquered. I’ve got the greatest guy I’ve ever met right under my nose and I’m scared I’m not ‘good’ enough. I’m probably not though. I’m too wild. But what baffles me is why I’m prepared to swim with sharks but not even remotely prepared to open myself up to the possibility of him. Perhaps the distance will cure the longing. Do these things dissipate? Do I even truly long for it? Some things I’m certain of and others are ridiculously murky. Forget the water, the center of my chest is the murkiest of all.

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